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How Dancing Changed My Life

Chris Tba — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 01:55:44 +0000

As a salsa dancer, I go through ups and downs, like anyone else. Sometimes I feel as if I am dragging my feet along the floor, just trying to get through the song. I usually leave early when I suck. Some times, I stick around till the end, hoping that somehow i’ll get back my “mojo”. Salsa dancing is both a struggle and a source of exhileration. One thing is for sure, which is that it’s never ever boring.

Dancing is a continuous learning process. I accept the fact that sometimes i’ll have an off night. It may be a combination of many things (some may even be out of my control), but these days I don’t offer up any excuses. To put it simply, I take full responsibility for what happens on and off the dance floor.

I know people who can shake off a bad dance or even a series of bad dances. But for me, it’s not so easy. I put a lot of myself into each and every dance. When I have an off night, I feel horrible. Lately i’ve changed my priorities when I go out dancing, which have produced a plethora of positive results.

My absolute number one priority is to personalize each dance, with the focus on having a good time. Whether I do nothing but basics or am leading complicated turn patterns, for those five or so minutes, I give myself completely over to the dance and to my partner. As it is often quoted, my partner is the picture while I provide the frame.

Secondly, I never look for the perfect dance partner. While I admire great partnerships, to me, variety is the spice of life. The perfect dance is the infusion of good music, connection, creativity, timing and technique. The thing is, I never look for all of those during a dance, because that would be unrealistic. As soon as I put some kind of expectation on myself and/or my partner, I will inevitably end up disappointed.

I do my best to bring a unique experience to every dance. I approach each dance differently, based on my partner’s perceived needs and wants. Usually I can tell within the first thirty seconds what those are. I do not always apply these principles successfully, which is why I continue to make adjustments in my own dancing. Everything from transferring my body weight to giving proper tension, I am always on the look-out for ways of making the experience more enjoyable for everyone involved.

I started dancing 4 years ago, but i’ve only been active in the scene for maybe 2. I take long breaks when I feel like my dancing has grown stale or if i’ve lost perspective and am no longer having fun. However, I feel that none of these reasons are enough to keep me away. It’s all part of the journey, which for me, is the reason I do it.

I’ve grown attached to this dance for many reasons. The music. The people. The community. There were times when I completely lost my way. I’ve had to look deep within and ask myself, “do I really want to do this?” The answer to that question will change depending on current circumstances. But rest assured nothing can keep me away from this thing that I love so much. That is a promise I intend to keep.

Dance, in its purest form, transcends the age barrier. It also transcends the race barrier. If, at anytime I think I am getting too old or that dancing is not in my blood, then I have lost perspective. Yes, some people will feel that dancing is only viable when in the prime of life. The truth of the matter is, if it brings joy to you, then you’re doing the right thing.

Dance has changed my life in more ways than I can count. I’ve met some very special people. I Learned a great deal about social interactions on and off the dance floor. I learned a lot about myself and my perceived limitations. Frankly, dance is something anyone can do if the effort is there. I’ve had plenty of setbacks. Some i’ve conquered. Others i’m still working on. Of course there are always more challenges to be had, but the way I see it, nothing is beyond my grasp if i am willing to work at it.

I’ve always said that dance is my hobby. One that I enjoy to the fullest. Like any hobby, I enjoy it while i’m learning new things and keeping things fresh, and dislike it when it becomes a chore. But dance to me is more than just than a hobby. To present date, I have channeled more aspects of my personality through dance than in any other art form. I have made long lasting friendships with various people using dance as an icebreaker. I have been able to reach out to those I never thought possible using the language of dance. Dance is a way to establish communication between two people that otherwise can not be conveyed through words.

No matter what physical (or genetic) barriers I will face, nothing can ever take the enjoyment away from me. Perception is the one thing we can control unequivocally.

Now there is one issue i’d like to touch upon that deserves mention. This goes out to everyone who’s ever danced in a social setting. No matter what level of dancer you are, there will always be someone better than you. This is not specific to dance. Ask any artist, hobbyist, athlete, scholar, tradesman, or corporate bigwig. You can’t be concerned with what other people are thinking or talking about. You can’t be concerned about how you look like to others. You can’t be concerned about making a fool of yourself.

If you really love something, then you go out and you do it to the best of your ability. I’ve had to get over myself many times. Not only that, but i’ve also felt the sting of rejection due to an over inflated sense of entitlement. It took me a while to realize that was just my ego talking. However, i’ve been able to use that misdirected negativity to better myself and my dancing. I believe I have come out a better person as well as a better dancer.

This is the attitude that I need to apply not only in dance, but in life. Dance has taught me that no matter how far away you are from your element, you can get to where you want to be simply by making an effort.

Nothing is insurmountable.

Turning Over A New Leaf

Chris Tba — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 01:16:41 +0000

It’s been over a year since I last blogged about anything. Partly because of all of the changes i’ve gone through. There were times when I didn’t know which way was up. In my darkest hour, I was in danger of losing my identity.

A lot has changed since then.

First things first. This blog is very much alive. For personal reasons, I did not want to continue it during a period of unrest. Part of the reason for starting this blog was to offer positive new insights. If I could not do that, then i’d stick a muzzle in it. However, the clouds have lifted and I am able to think positively again.

Welcome back reader. I’ll be in touch.

Regards,

Chris Tba

What Do You Want To Do In Life?

Chris Tba — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:10:32 +0000

photo by Rockmixer

I’ve been asked this question more times than I care to remember.

There are many variations of this question. The most popular being “what do you want to be when you grow up?” We ask this question without even thinking, hoping to gain validation for our own decisions in life. Teachers ask this question to their students for validation in their own teaching methods. Likewise, parents ask this to their children to validate their own parenting skills. We are inundated with all sorts of similar inquisitions during every major stage in life.

Like most people, when asked on-the-spot to summarize my life’s ambitions into a well thought out, articulated response, the first thing that usually comes out of my mouth is:

“Uhhhhhh….”

This reminds me of cattle handlers whose job is to guide the cattle back into their pen The cow is reluctant at first, and only after being poked and prodded into submission, will it scurry back into its pen like well behaved livestock

I would wager that if that cow studied kung-fu, it would deliver a swift back leg kick to the handler’s groin each time it was prodded.

I have a similar reaction when someone asks me the question, “So what do you want to do in life?”

Even though I may not say it aloud, what i’m really thinking is:

“Absolutely nothing. I am great doing exactly what i’m doing. But thanks for asking.”

If people were like cows, they would keep moving along the path along which the farmhand guides them.

The cow has no choice. It must go wherever the farmer wants it to go. Ironically, this is also how most people operate. They are guided by an invisible hand, but in most cases, it is not their own. It belongs to their parents, their college professors, their idols, and other influential people.

Fortunately for us, we have some added benefits of being human. One of those benefits is having the ability to choose what we want to do. What we choose to do is entirely up to us.

Something that anyone can do right now is to let go of the past and future and simply be present.

Life is not about going towards a destination, gaining respect or the accumulation of foreign objects. Constantly running from one point to the next will ensure only one thing: more running.

Nomadic Matt wrote an article about his nomadic lifestyle and the reason why he constantly travels around the globe to explore new places. It contains some very interesting points about living without boundaries and without the comforts of having a “real job”.

Matt makes a great point when he says “We are all chained down by the burdens we create upon ourselves.”

I love this quote because it is so true. We create our own self-imposed borders, whether they are financial, emotional, or both. We box ourselves into these little crawl spaces where there’s barely any room to maneuver, much less break free.

Even though we are all conditioned to think and act a certain way, there’s no reason why old habits and thinking patterns can not be changed if so desired.

I keep hearing the following phrases.

“I need a raise so that I can move to a bigger house with two garages and a big backyard”

“I’m going to work for the next 20 years and then retire to an island in the South Pacific.”

Both of these phrases means that the destination has become more important than enjoying what you have, which is the only thing that is real. Why spend your entire life in some theoretical future when you can be enjoying the present for exactly what it is.

The future is an illusion.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t set goals. Far from it. I believe people should aim high in whatever they set out to do. But if the goal becomes the destination – an end in itself – it will consume a person’s life to the point where he/she can never be truly fulfilled.

If you allow yourself to enjoy the process of achieving that goal, the results become meaningless.

We live in a society where too much emphasis is placed on results. No one hardly ever stops to just be alive in the present moment. Instead, they prefer waiting for their ship to come in, but in doing so they allow bigger, better ships to sail right across their bow.

Take a hundred students enrolled in school. Say those students study really hard. They will eventually earn a diploma, degree or certificate of some kind. When asked what they expect to get out of it, most will say “to get a good job, marry at 25, have 3 kids and move into a 4 bedroom house.”

Good grief! So much emphasis is placed on the results that people forget what’s directly in front of them now. What’s worse is that people will acknowledge that happiness can not come to pass until the above criteria is met. Instead, they defer happiness to some theoretical future that doesn’t exist.

Only when we break free of the mold and think about the possibilities that exist beyond those self-imposed borders will we discover just how much more there is to experience.

What is real is NOW. Not in the past and certainly not in the future.

A Hug From The Hugging Saint

Chris Tba — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 18:03:04 +0000

photo by Jesslee Cuizon
I’ve been blessed to be the recipient of many good hugs over the years. I find there is no other form of physical expression more genuine than a hug. You hug when you feel happy. You hug when you feel sad. Hugs are not dependent on mood or time. A hug may come during a period of happiness or in a period of despair.

The friendliest people I know give hugs often.

So if a hug is the ultimate representation of affection, compassion and empathy, then how does it feel to be hugged by someone who’s hugged more than 30 million people?

Enter Amma.

Yesterday, I received my first hug from Amma. For those unfamiliar with Amma, her official website Amma.org is a good place to start.

Sri Mata Amritanandamayi (Amma for short) has been touring the world to give free hugs for over 40 years. According to her biography, Amma left school at the age of nine to tend to her Mother’s illness by doing the heavy household chores and making it her full-time job. As she went from house to house to collect food for the family cows, she saw how much suffering there was in her village as well as in the neighboring communities and reached out to lend a helping hand. She fed, bathed, and comforted those in need despite being scolded by her family.

Her random embraces brought comfort to all with sorrow. She did this without question or judgment, and sought nothing in return.

Over the years, a devout spiritual following came to live by Amma and that number continued to grow to become what it is today: a world wide humanitarian and charitable organization called Embracing The World.

This is how a hugging empire was built.

I have known about Amma for many years and knew that she came into my home town of Toronto every so often to give out free hugs. To me, it felt strange receiving a hug from a complete stranger, especially from a spiritual icon. I have nothing against hugging, but was it really worth waiting in line for one? The answer will depend on people’s motives, but for me the answer was no.

However, this time I decided to go, mainly for the experience and because I could say I did something I was opposed to in the past. So I put aside my ego and went for it.

The experience itself is the reason to do all things – not the reward. In my case, that certainly rings true. I wasn’t expecting a life altering experience or for a miracle cure-all for my problems.

As I stood in line to get my free hug, many others stood and watched from the sidelines, eagerly awaiting to get theirs. Some of them becoming extremely emotional.

However, unlike those people you see on television infomercials who go into fits of convulsions as a televangelist proclaims they are now free of their sins, the people waiting in line for an Amma hug aren’t waiting for salvation. They are looking for unconditional love and support, as well as a great hug.

The hug itself lasted anywhere from 10 seconds to several minutes, depending on the person. Amma embraced me like she would any other, and chanted something indecipherable into my ears as I surrendered into her embrace. Afterwards I was given a Hershey’s Kiss and was led to an area where I could rest for a few minutes. Although I did not stay, in hindsight, maybe I should have since I was feeling quite light hearted.

- If anyone reading this is in the Toronto area and is even remotely curious about receiving their own Amma hug, I fully recommend taking the plunge. She is giving away free hugs again on Thursday July 22 at the Sheraton Centre. More information along with directions are provided on her Canadian website, the Amma Foundation of Canada.

You will receive a lettered token (called a Darshan) and must line up in the queue according to when your token letter is called.

I received my Darshan token at 10:00 in the morning, and got my hug at 2:30 in the afternoon. This was by far the longest i’ve waited for a hug.

I saw car plates in the hotel parking lot from as far as New Mexico. They came here just to have a chance to see Amma. I was even approached by an Italian man who told me he was an avid follower of hers for 30 years. The amount of world travelers in attendance was astounding.

For some, it is a lifetime experience that only comes once. For others, it means achieving higher spiritual awareness.

For me, I got exactly what I came for. A really cool hug.

Blogging For Positivity

Chris Tba — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 19:57:30 +0000

When I first discovered blogging 8 years ago, I had no clue what it was or why everyone was raving about it. I only knew that everyone was doing it. I found out later what it was and my reaction was,

“That’s it?”

To me, writing about personal stuff online seemed like nonsense. However I realized there was a common theme among bloggers, which was channeling as much emotional content – most of it being negative – into their blog as possible.

In the past I used to come across blogs that contained nothing but pure, unfiltered, soapbox venting. Because of the proliferation of emotionally charged blogs, I would go in with the mindset of expecting to read about the latest gossip in my circle of friends or hearing about the guy who lost his foot in a meat grinder.

I believe this is just another form of mass consumerism for the mind.

There are already too many types of these of stories to go around, so i’ve decided to abandon that trend and start a whole new one, which I call blogging for positivity.

My belief is that if you blog for positivity, it will inspire creativity, innovation, and courage in yourself, and those attributes are key when trying to do something you didn’t believe was previously possible.

As I mentioned in my introductory post, I am headed in a completely new direction in my life, and have given myself a more positive frame of mind. Like everyone else, I have my off days, but i’ve already noticed some drastic changes in my overall demeanor in just a few weeks since starting this blog.

I would like to highlight specific things that I am deeply grateful for that have helped me produce this new positive outlook.

Failure

Failure? How can this be a positive? I think failure is undeserved of the negative press it receives. People look down on failure. No one wants to be that person who always ends up upside down instead of right side up. Failure and success are opposites, yet one can not come to pass without the other. Without failure, success wouldn’t be possible.

I can not count how many times that after experiencing a big letdown, i’ve followed up with an even bigger success. I attribute this to something called expected value, which I define as what I expect to gain in life by doing things I think brings positive value.

Recently, I allowed my life situation to dictate my life’s expected value. (Learn more about expected value in life Here from Kevin’s blog Investitwisely). I convinced myself that having less money lowered expected value. Also, that owning more stuff increased expected value. I later discovered that those two statements are completely and utterly, false.

It is important not to allow failure or even the prospect of failure keep you from achieving your dreams. Let failure build you up to achieve even greater things.

Healthy mind

Having a mind devoid of mental clutter has helped me tremendously in being able achieve things I didn’t think were possible. I am now much better at preventing negative thoughts from entering into my mind.

Things I might have said in the past were, “It is what it is” or “That’s life”. These are phrases that should be avoided like the Plague. There is an implication there that you are not directly in charge of your life. By saying these things, you don’t give yourself odds to succeed, and instead are doomed to fail. If this is something you say frequently, Stop! You run a better chance at winning the lottery than achieving your life’s goals with this mantra.

A good way to increase the flow of positive energy is through reading about real success stories from real people who share similar life philosophies. Along with my own educational reading, I try to read at least 1 inspirational story a day about someone who is living exactly how they want their life to be.

Reading fills my mind with endless new possibilities. It isn’t a coincidence that whenever I get a killer new idea or burst of energy, it came after reading an article or book.

Feeding negative thought patterns is one of the worst things a person can do and is a sure way to remain in perpetual listlessness.

Google

I can not ignore the effect that Google has had on my life. Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to create this website, share my crazy ideas, fix a leaky faucet, or the dozens of other things i’ve been able to do that I couldn’t do before.

Google is a gateway to learning if used correctly. Some times we don’t always find the answers we’re looking for, but chances are that you will be closer to the answer than you were before.

I also have to mention the distinction between “Google” and “the internet”. A good analogy comes from the movie the Matrix. If the internet is the Matrix, then Google is the operator who scours the Matrix for ways to simplify it for Neo (you).

If you can harness the power of Google, a limitless amount of resources and money can be had. The internet itself is useless without being able to weed through all the junk. Someone who is a master at Googling can literally manipulate the flow of information as they see fit, and that is a powerful tool indeed.

You guys!

I am grateful to everyone for their continued support as I continue to knock down mental barriers and continue on the journey towards self-discovery. The vast majority of feedack i’ve received so far has been positive. Even though I may be called out on some of my ideas, I value all of the constructive feedback and look forward to dissecting my beliefs with the people I meet.

One of the ways to grow as an individuals is through fellowship, and one of the best ways to achieve success is seeking out what like-minded people have done to bring meaning to their lives.